615 in idea barrages

1.) Crossover fan-fiction wherein George Jetson is married to Jane Eyre.

2.) A very romantic statement would be “you make me as happy as that Star Wars card where C-3PO looks aroused”.

3.) Kombucha is a prank played on hipsters by Russians bitter about losing the Cold War.

4.) For all that the South is delusionally afraid of Sharia law, ironically Sharia sounds like the name of a country singer.

5.) Step 1: write a facebook quiz that collects all of the common e-mail verification answers as variables. Step 2: profit.

6.) Convince them that you don’t know the difference between Marlon Brando and Marion Barry.

7.) To host Fox News, you gotta win a Myth America competition.

8.) The Syracuse zoo had a Burger King back then/oh, the conclusions we could draw/the narratives we could pretend.

9.) Lotta Twitterbots pretending to be women named “Kaelyn” tonight. Is this A Thing?

10.) Getting your computer fixed in Boston must be really fun, having them say “hard drive” in that accent over and over again.

11.) First they put “e” before everything like “e-commerce” now they take “e” out of everything like “tumblr”. Make up your mind.

12.) The GOP is trying to argue their way back to before the Civil War, they’re trying to rant-to-own, if you will.

13.) No more movies that get by on the “strength” of their terrible title. Do you hear me, Let’s Be Cops?

14.) I guess I’m trying to live a Bill Murray life without Bill Murray fame or Bill Murray money. But then, other than Bill, aren’t we all?

15.) English language has failed us, a small bit of spit should be a “goblet” not a fancy cup.

16.) A large a capella group could cover “Easy” and call themselves The Commodores 64 and it would be The Best Thing.

17.) With Chapelle saying he’s not gonna make Dolezal jokes anytime soon, I feel like Bill Hicks needs to rise from the dead to get this right.

18.) It’s a horror movie about a haunted gravy factory. It’s called FOND FOOTAGE. It’s… pretty terrible.

19.) So “I’m gonna do a Periscope” is now a thing a famous person can say on Twitter and it’s not a sex thing. The future!

20.) Being a fan of a team does not mean throwing realism out the door. There are religions if you need to do that kinda thing.

21.) Depending on the emphasis of words “there’s nothing to worry about” can mean so many different things.

22.) That’s MY secret, Captain. I’m always worried.