520 in idea barrages

1.) Please stop switching me over to Top Stories, facebook. Please. For God’s sake. You’re making everyone look like stalkers who comment on stuff buried deep in each other’s timelines. Facebook, you’re weird.

2.) You know there’s already unsettling fan-art of the new Mad Max on Deviantart called “Furry Road”. Deeply unsettling.

3.) It must be awkward for the Planeteers to go to an Earth, Wind and Fire concert. Water and Heart must feel really left out.

4.) There are parts of Brooklyn where you have to have written proof of a trust fund to even be there legally.

5.) Change your name to Bill. Bill Uminatti. Send letters to right-wing conspiracy cranks to make them nervous.

6.) Look, seriously, okay, a beard is not that big a deal. My face can poop one out in a coupla weeks. No. Big. Deal.

7.) I love how we’re at the point where slang can have a shelf-life of literal weeks. “Thirsty” had a month and a half before it was discarded.

8.) I hope there’s no porno based on Mike Myers’ films but if there is, I hope it is at least titled “So I Married An Ass Murderer”.