59 in idea barrages

1.) He was just fat and hairy enough to find himself fetishized for it. He had reached the bear minimum.

2.) If these trees would just stop having sex, maybe I wouldn’t have the worst sinus headache of my life right now.

3.) Intuition isn’t magical or animal or innate. Intuition is learning that got down so deep it’s an unconscious subroutine.

4.) Say the words “I vant to be alone” into a fan. Congratulations, you have performed the Greta Garbled.

5.) Go to an open mic and play the drum solo in “Wipeout” very badly, occasionally pausing to say “Burnout”.

6.) A recurring bit about a person who tries to teach people how to draw cartoons but is nonetheless compelled to draw phalluses.

7.) Whenever people ask you the fastest way to get somewhere just say “Teleportation” in a level steely demeanor.

8.) Can you imagine how much Laverne/Shirley fan-fiction there would have been were there an internet decades ago?