56 in idea barrages

1.) I get to do amazing things. I struggle to find work and my love life is nil but I get to do amazing things. I get to write for puppets. I get to be a published poet. I get to do a booked thing in NY again. I get to be the comic at a burlesque show, for God’s sakes. I have endless troubles too but right now I just want to thank you for helping me with the amazing things.

2.) The problem with wanting to be only a little bit famous because you know big fame would kill you is that blind lust for fame is far more efficacious at getting famous.

3.) Vegan cooking is a seitanic ritual.

4.) Sometimes we need to exorcise our egos. Sometimes we need a narcissism.

5.) What we need is a Fibonacci mariachi band. That one-one-two-three-five-eight beat.

6.) If you want to send death threats because two characters in a movie paired off in a fashion you did not agree with, seek help.

7.) I want a chiptune Pixies cover band called “The Pixels”.

8.) My favourite Sesame Street/Z-grade movie mash-up is definitely “Bertdemic”.

9.) If you cloned enough mediocre classic rockers, you’d eventually end up with a Mini-Van Morrison.

10.) Did you know that if you use your middle name as your last name on facebook, there’s an 83% chance I’ll forget your last name?

11.) Another great British prank is pretending to call a soccer field something silly like a “pitch”. That dry humour!

12.) The Hipster Cuisine Planeteers would be Bacon, Sriacha, Whiskey, Quinoa and Flavoured-Oreo. I would be the dread villain Gluten.

13.) Next time someone refers to the first game a team hosts as their “home opener” ask them “you mean like a key?”