429 in idea barrages

1.) Always refer to a rap battle as a “beat-off”.

2.) Even when there’s something actual to fear, they’d rather make one up anyway, it’s easier to control.

3.) She didn’t like being called “obsessive compulsive”, she preferred “plansexual”.

4.) An R.E.M. branded desktop computer keyboard advertised with the slogan “ergonomic for the people!”

5.) If you are Australian, you will always sound funny saying “knife”. Blame Paul Hogan, sure, but you’ll need a new word.

6.) It’s about a detective who investigates lies about the hardness of knife blades. It’s called “The Rockwell Files”.

7.) You can sell anything to righties by saying it’s “tactical” & to lefties by saying it’s “organic”. Sell tactical organic stuff!

8.) Mis-ter DOUGH-BOY ris-in’… DOUGH-BOY ris-in’… RIS-IN’, RIS-IN’… RIS-IN’, RIS-IN’…

9.) How didn’t Bear Grylls name his show “Bear Necessities”? Disney lawsuit?

10.) It’s no longer about being lonely-empty. It’s about overflowing and wanting to share all this energy!

11.) Sometimes fake works. Sometimes genuine is broken. Sometimes function trumps our shallow sense of authenticity. Sometime both are terrible.

12.) Go to a Rosh Hashanah celebration and be all like “Shofar, so good!”

13.) Hollywood wash-outs, strung out on drugs and fame in a drug metaphor, go go my Mighty Morphine Gower Rangers, go go get clean.

14.) When pain’s giving orders, sometimes you’ve got to ignore her but when pain’s simply teaching, you gotta listen.

15.) My inability to generate a Canadian-Jamaican white-boy rap patois prevents a parody of “Informer” about Dora The Explorer.

16.) Where are the Episode 7 tie-in Han Solo Cups?

17.) Form used to follow function, until function got a restraining order.

18.) Start a speech with the opener “dudes and lady-dudes”.

19.) I like the strong women the other guys are afraid of, they’re just hard to ask out cuz they seem like they don’t need anyone.

20.) Momentum is the word for God on the lips and hearts of artists everywhere.

21.) After a showing of the Lord of the Rings movie ends, announce “Elvish has left the building”.

22.) “What’s up guys” is the official opening phrase of youtube. “I’m sick/busy/tired but I’mma rush this video out in a sub-par manner for the benefit of my seven regular viewers” is also big.