416 in idea barrages

1.) When a flour clump comes along YOU MUST WHISK IT, if your bechamel ain’t strong YOU’VE GOT TO WHISK IT

2.) A hipster’s favourite comedy show is “Def Comedy Preserves”.

3.) The next step down from “sugar daddy” is “pay pal”.

4.) Lets make the next hipster fad “laudanum”. Williamsburg spillin’ over with glassy-eyed Laudies. Better for you than PBR, anyway.

5.) Cursing Ronald McDonald is taking the lard’s name in vain.

6.) I don’t know if I’m more surprised that Tony Bennett goes to the same skin bronzer as Hulk Hogan or that Tony Bennett is alive.

7.) Through obscurity, you escaped a beatdown into bland product or an exaggeration into self-parody. Through obscurity, you retained your soul.

8.) I’ve been dreaming in the form of literary theory, words that cannot mean things but can only point toward things.

9.) If you become metaphor, you can live forever but you’ll lose control over what you mean. Immortality has its costs, ask any misused prophet.

10.) FISHER KING & CLERKS two of my fav films will mean less to a generation that doesn’t understand the magic portal that was a VCR.

11.) They ain’t afraid of no ghosts. Nor do they appear to fear double-negatives.

12.) Actually, fools fall in love because we initially slip in a small puddle of lust and momentum carries us into the abyss.

13.) Convince everyone that you don’t know the difference between “Purple Rain” and “Chocolate Rain”.

14.) You are not a brand. A brand is a name horrifically seared into flesh. Be a person instead.

15.) In rap role-playing games, commoners controlled by The Mix-Master are referred to as Non-Playa-Characters.

16.) Playing Pokemon with Black Bolt and saying “gotta catch ‘em all, Boltagon!” will get you sonic-screamed to death.

17.) The only way to be excited about new Star Wars at this point is to be willfully professionally naive. Go rewatch Empire instead.

18.) dog’s messed-up but we’re buddies. if he wasn’t messed up & I wasn’t messed up we never woulda met so it’s good we’re imperfect.

19.) We are process. There is no end even in death we continue to change. Upgrade, maintain. Give up on stasis, it will never come.

20.) A concentration in fencing is a duel major.

21.) Let’s rebrand Texas as “South-Central America”. See what happens.