326 in idea barrages

1.) Gettin’ in an Uber rip-off, bein’ all “DO YOU EVEN BRO, LYFT?”

2.) The son in MR. MOM did it all for the Woobie.

3.) Nixon sent men to the moon just so he could put a note in the flagpole saying “that bootlegger’s son can suck my ass!” Nixon was like that.

4.) Dogs don’t pretend, they either bite or they beg, that’s it. I wouldn’t wanna be like them but I appreciate the honesty.

5.) A story of some kind about a moderately-rich person who spends a lot of money buying all the bit parts in crowd funded movies.

6.) All the beard evangelism these days, shaving every twice a week fills me with that warm feeling of rebellion, the good stuff.

7.) Any women really turned on by the smell of the disinfectant they use to preserve packing gauze? Asking for a friend.

8.) When the ability to port your cell number is called a “right” it diminishes the word. We need a new word for the small stupid rights.

9.) Whenever I get the new laptop, I gotta dive back into the Sasquatch novel. Might send it out to some fresh eyes for new notes, I dunno.

10.) How do you even grimdark Lex Luthor? How do you even? I mean, they managed it but that’s not a good thing. That’s a bad miracle.

11.) The Dare Bears were a lot more exciting than the Care Bears but they didn’t, ah, live as long.

12.) not a manufactured you but you. not a most hireable you but you. the best of you. no varnish on top of you. YOU. that’s what the gods await.

13.) Between the new Ghostbusters and Batman/Superman, we are reaching peak Great Cast Wasted On Bad Idea.

14.) Look, I love craft beer but if you keep picking words like “saison” for kinds of beer, your only market will be Mumford & Sons roadies.

15.) When meeting Chad Kroeger, it is vitally important to claim to have never heard of Nickelback and to assume him a grocery store millionaire.

16.) Every clock in this house is different. You can only trust laptops or cell phones. Keeps one on his toes.

17.) If memecore is an actual fashion trend, let’s just shut ‘er down. Western Civilization had a good run, let us not tarnish it by lingering.

18.) I have written so little in terms of poetry and parody this week, to focus on puppets and healing sleep, I don’t even know who I am.