317 in idea barrages

1.) Joining the Mile High club while landing can get you charged with in-descent exposure.

2.) Libertarian Inhumans read “Attilan Shrugged” a lot.

3.) Really, the only technically valid status update is “I am currently hitting ENTER after writing a status update”.

4.) Places like Wal-Mart wish they could drop the “s” in skilled labour and move on straight to killed labour.

5.) Hipster Gamer’s all like “Emulator? More like Em-u-LAMER!”

6.) In honour of the Binding of Isaac game, my new nickname for my mom’s dog is Mega-Fatty. It is important you know this.

7.) I mean, certainly, MAD has already done “Orange Is The New Blecch” right? Clearly. It must have.

8.) Less amphetamines in the game = more max effort throwing = all the pitching injuries.

9.) It’s killin’ me that these stitches mean I can’t break up the ice in the driveway during this thaw before the next storm.

10.) I don’t think pre-existing intellectual property CAN end any more, it just devolves as it shifts to shadier and shadier corporate hands.

11.) Could we just have a separate President of New Hampshire And Iowa? I feel like it would fix a lot of things.

12.) If I had stupid money to spend, I’d definitely get a bunch of x-rays and have a 1:1 model of my skeleton created. Oh, God, after I 3-D printed the one for posterity, I’d make a 2nd out of CANDY. Several! “Yeah, I’m gonna break a piece off the strawberry skeleton of myself for dessert, you want maybe a metatarsal off the lemon one?”

13.) I have a hard time believing Arnold Schwarzenegger’s American-raised children don’t still have his accent. Dunno. Seems genetic.

14.) Viewers Report Seeing Outline Of Male Anatomy In Australian News Anchor’s Jacket #actualfacebooktrendingblurb #revelationofjohn