31 in idea barrages

1.) A cooking competition show where the secret ingredient is revealed as “deez nuts!” and there, under the lid, are the host’s genitals. (read this in a really snooty British accent for maximum funny.)

2.) If I could just teach this dog to sing that Russian “Trololololo” song, I could definitely be famous on youtube for as much as 34 hours.

3.) You know what’s a good open mic heckle, now that I’m in my middle 30s? “Your girlfriend’s mom is HOT!”

4.) “x-ing out the game requests, FACEBOOK FACEBOOK, x-ing out the game requests ALL THE FACEBOOK DAY”

5.) Part frat boy. Part other frat boy. All cop. BROBROCOP.

6.) When preparing to time-travel, be sure to dress business-causality.

7.) He who cuts the edges off his sandwiches will herald in the end times as the Anti-Crust.

8.) The only career move Sarah Palin has left is playing The Baroness in a G.I. Joe movie, though she may be too evil to play it believably.

9.) Astronaut must be a prestige class, requiring taking ten levels in Jock & ten levels in Nerd each to qualify. Rare skill set!

10.) The breast fetishist liked his coffee the way he liked his women, in K-cups.

11.) It’s a shame they never show Cookie Monster’s lesbian cousin Box Monster, she’s a real cool lady with a lot to say.

12.) They claim to possess relics from Mary’s Last Perm, that’s why they’re called The Church of The Holy Rollers.