217 in idea barrages

1.) “I’m On A Plane” parody about living in Maine?

2.) Niagara Falls is full of borderline personalities.

3.) Sia and Shia buy some Chia in Ikea.

4.) These are not the Noids you were looking for. Unless you were looking to ruin pizza. Then, yeah, I guess you’re spot-on.

5.) I wonder if Scientologist women ever say of an attractive man “he really puts the O.T. in hottie!”

6.) Red Lobster was not named after its signature dish but rather after a local serial public masturbator with ambiguous genitalia.

7.) Twitter, create a memetic character who is both mystic poet and robotic vacuum cleaner. Dub it Rumiba. Do this in my name.

8.) Name your band Original Research, get famous and then confound Wikipedia forever.

9.) We are all in trouble all the time. That’s the whole point of being alive. Trying to navigate that humanely and with good cheer.

10.) Some day I will figure out when I am being flirted back at and when women are just smiling politely because I am loud and huge.

11.) Never confirm or deny contents of a hard drive of blackmail material you may or may not have you may or may not refer to as Retirement Fund.

12.) Method Acting, use only as directed.

13.) I don’t feel 35. I feel like a 22 year old who just happens to have a 97 year old back.

14.) My favourite palindrome, by far, is “goddam mad dog”.

15.) If you try to form a country of people who make fun of butts, is that an ass sassin’ nation attempt?

16.) Sick of all the cards & chocolates & marketing surrounding Presidents’ Day? Just hide in your house & celebrate Residents’ Day.

17.) The new Twitter thing is Unfollow Monday where you unfollow everything that you don’t remember why you followed it. #ufm

18.) In response to the popularity of NYC’s Fashion Week, cities all across the South are celebrating Fascism Week.

19.) A good indicator of the Internet Irony Cycle’s speed will be how long it takes for the Super Bowl Sharks to become hipster nostalgic.

20.) Sam Jackson plays a hitman who realizes he’s in a movie & has to kill the director. It’s called PULP METAFICTION. It’s… pretty terrible.

21.) What does it say about American cultural mythology that we hang onto pretending news broadcast anchors are journalists not newsreaders?

22.) Felix shows everyone his butt so much, it is like he’s trying to win a cat-ass trophy.