216 in idea barrages

1.) When Clarice wanted oral sex from Hannibal, she had to word it very precisely to avoid disaster.

2.) She didn’t think “dental drill” sounded fancy enough. She preferred “molar vortex”.

3.) Should head to the restroom before retiring for the evening but the cat is warming my feet so well I don’t wanna get up. Torn.

4.) It’s the new Insane Clown Posse cereal. It’s called “Juggle-Os”. It’s… pretty terrible.

5.) Standing in line is pointless about 95% of the time but never underestimate the stupidity of people who Want To Be Seen Doing A Thing.

6.) If your kids don’t wanna eat veggies, try & frame it like “Don’t You Want To Absorb The Murdered Broccoli’s Power”? Would’a worked for me.

7.) Do you think that there are exterminators who refer to themselves as “literally killing it” to try and be hip with the kids?

8.) It’s a horror movie in a supermarket. It’s called “Nightmare On Aisle Three” and stars Freddy Kroger. It’s… pretty terrible.

9.) Your mission is to get a box of Drakes Cakes autographed by Drake.

10.) These are the days everything smells like cigarettes, everyone smokes just outside the door & rushes in right after the last puff.

11.) What’s the difference between American Sniper & 50 Shades Of Grey? One makes a fetish of horrifying violence & the other’s 50 Shades of Grey

12.) Obsession with legacy, friendliness with power & being just-honored-to-be-here are the death of comedy. Please end, SNL. ‪#‎SNL40‬

13.) “Four Girls, A Guy And A Mayonnaise On Wonder Bread Sandwich Shop” is Utah’s remake of “Two Guys, A Girl and a Pizza Place”.

14.) If you post a bunch of empty memes about the music of white teenage suburbia to the ‘net, does that mean you have a rock tumblr?