25 in idea barrages

1.) The kind of cold that turns you off from lime gummy bears for months.

2.) Al-Qaeda in Arabic means “The Base”. The GOP calls their stalwart racist sexist fundamentalists “The Base”. Non-coincidental.

3.) The platonic ideal of cashing in now because no one is famous forever is taking the lead in a Jurassic Park sequel.

4.) Alabama’s homophobic Attorney General’s named Luther Strange? Do you just get power down there if you have a super-villain name?

5.) “Unemployed” is so clinical. Let’s go with “class struggle ronin”.

6.) I enjoy that my voice no longer sounds like Mickey Mouse after gargling Tom Waits’ kidney stones but the sinus headache is still like a thousand gnomes trying to burrow out of my forehead with blunt Minecraft pickaxes.

7.) I don’t miss L.A. that much but I miss my family and friends still there intensely. I miss Brooklyn a lot but half of my friends have already been priced out the same as me. I’m trying to build an artistic life regionally up here but don’t have the money to drive to Albany or Syracuse every other day like I’d need to. I feel like Mister In-Between.

8.) Rumour to hype screencap to hype teaser to hype ad to hype trailer to hype movie to hype franchise of sequels.

9.) Would a group of friends devoted to sour beers be a Brew Tang Clan?

10.) Just because he can read their minds doesn’t mean he can keep their names straight. “Oh,” thought Aquaman, “the Hugh Manatee.”

11.) There’s this place called Fruition and we’re all just trying to get there, even though we’ve never been and never seen its face.

12.) Only now have I realized that my city’s fire whistle has been a Falls Alarm all along.

13.) Marriages in other years have often involved a conversion. Only now in 2015 can your marriage involve HOVER-CONVERSION.

14.) To circumvent the “Don’t Be That Guy” rules, wear a shirt with yourself as a bad-ass laser viking on it to every concert.

15.) Is it okay for a fern to release spores on a first date? Asking for a frond.

16.) So “amiibo” is Nintendo’s push to inflate and burst a Beanie Baby Bubble for gamers. Gotcha.