feb. opening barrage in idea barrages

1.) Convince a hipster that you think Normcore means dressing like Norm on CHEERS.

2.) You know what they say, rolling on the mean streets of Albany’s suburbs: pimps up, Cohoes down.

3.) The boring use terrible grammar and spelling to seem interesting on the internet. The uncanny and the botched, we needn’t front.

4.) If you MUST name your private bits at least use names traditional to another gender. Name your bosoms Biff & Steve. Name your penis Lillian.

5.) People want to see Super Bowl ads so much they release them days early. It is the “Roman lead plumbing” moment in our decline.

6.) Frat bros don’t play paintball but they have been known to enjoy a rousing game of blazer tag.

7.) Why am I seeing so many pictures of Cafe Bustelo coffee in my friends pictures on Facebook lately? It’s eerie…

8.) Whenever I hear of a huge fire in a gentrifying place like San Fran or Brooklyn, I just assume it’s real estate developers clearing land.

9.) I hope there are Average White Band cover bands called Mode Average White Band, Median Average White Band & Mean Average White Band.

10.) In Little Falls, chillin’. LITERALLY CHILLIN’.

11.) In Mexico, they wonder which of the colourful monsters or hipster musicians are claiming to be named “Gabba Gabba”.

12.) I am trying to allow myself to be passionate and enthusiastic because that’s what I’m attracted to in others. I am trying.

13.) The McDonalds campaign of giving free stuff for “showing love” is just a way to have less cash to give employees a living wage with.

14.) Did Cyclops ever dress up as Robocop for Halloween or was he too much of a humourless Ego Scout for that?

15.) If you replaced “humans” with “Muslims” in his speeches, Magneto would totally be the GOP frontrunner for 2016.

16.) The best seats at a Billy Joel concert are in your house, laughing at people who’d pay money for that.

17.) Too many Chinese take-out leftovers. Might actually be already dead and typing only out of reflex.

18.) People tell me Tedy Bruschi was a football player but I know better, it is a really bad appetizer at Olive Garden.

19.) The McDMT. of course, kept the hot side hot and the cold side tripping balls.

20.) Johnny Depp’s getting married to someone who’s not Tim Burton?

21.) A virtual reality weightlifter, tearing the google search engine homepage in half.

22.) We keep our spare clowns out back in the fool shed. We can cram 50 in there for whenever we wanna give kids nightmares. It’s great.

23.) If there is ever a Spongebob Broadway musical, it had goddamned better be called A POROUS LINE is all I’m saying.