1221 (east coast time) in idea barrages

1.) I need a Dennis Hopper toy and a Price Chopper supermarket to finally drive a nail in this “Elf on a Shelf” crap.

2.) Honestly, if I ever got a tattoo, it’d probably be the X-Men Phoenix logo tweaked to be symmetrical as I am a nerd with OCD.

3.) I’ve suddenly realized Carrot-Top is being surgically turned into the brunette from ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS. But with giant muscles.

4.) If someone made the porno parody PORKIN’ MINDY today, I think Robin Williams would be fine with it. Dig it, even.

5.) I’ll never start a chip-tune band but if I did, I’d sure as hell call it “Shy-Guy LaBoeuf”.

6.) They’re an orc-core rap group. They’re called The Grue-Tang Clan. They’re… pretty terrible.

7.) Hindsight being twenny-twenny, “Hold Me Closer Tiny Danzig” would’ve been the funnier but less-accessible way to go with it.

8.) Has to be said: had the tables been turned, those cops wouldn’a had to kill themselves to get away w/ it. An idiot jury would’ve done fine.

9.) Dollar store razor, tryin’ to shave/half-hour later, I’m an ape with the mange

10.) How was there never a Christmas version of “The Humpty Dance” called “Bah Hump-bug”?

11.) the Vichy French stopped/collaborated and listened/the Germans were back/with a brand new edition