1213 in idea barrages

1.) The fact that the Flintstones have Christmas just seals it that they’re living in the rubble of the Jetsons robot uprising.

2.) Do not be jealous of my awesome hair. Just be thankful that it is out there in the world, making everyone feel great.

3.) My heart is almost new, my heart is gently used, my heart is pre-owned, factory reconditioned, refurbished, repartitioned.

4.) I believe in the arts but, just between you and me, I believe in the weird arts even more.

5.) Batman doesn’t sulk or mope, Batman broods. Great swirling dark musing. It’s rad as hell.

6.) If the aliens ever take me away, just tell your friends I was too good for this world.

7.) But what DOESN’T make the heart grow fonder is an abscess. Ain’t nothin fond about those.

8.) My karaoke of “You Could Be Mine” is either the best or worst thing ever. You get to pick, though, along that binary scale.

9.) A troll version of Scrooge where he wakes up, goes “PHEW WHAT A NIGHTMARE!” then keeps on being a jerk.

10.) Contrary to the coining of the phrase, Commando Cody usually wore underwear. It was just that one disastrous time.

11.) I still like the idea of the actual Kirk Cameron stumbling into a news studio covered in ropes & a ragged beard to set the record straight.

12.) Dear ads. No one refers to their own disease as “moderate to severe” in conversation. Have voiceover-doctor delinate that part.

13.) Bill Nye should end every live speech by ripping off his bowtie & eating it. IT WILL TURN OUT IT WAS MADE OF FRUIT ROLL-UP.

14.) “Entertainment Executives Turn Out To Often Be Entitled Unreasonable Pricks” does not seem to be that much of a story scoop.