my interior monologuer can be such a drama queen in The Napkin.

Coworker Robert happened to pop in on his day off. Said something about how his mom wanted dorito tacos. Random, but not surprising. He’s a good errand boy.

Which got me doing mental math for two seconds. Ya see, Robert has about twenty years on me. Which means his mom has to be in her 80s.

I had a moment of calm in the back room later with Mary. She’s still trying to find a better job. I’m encouraging and stuff, even though I’ll take the competent coworker I know over someone new. (I hate change.)

I mentioned how my mom died like ten years ago. At the time, someone remarked that I was too young to lose my mom. Thirtyish is quite adult, I thought.

Robert’s 61 and still gets to see his mom.

Yup, that’s a feeling, for sure.

I didn’t get too heavy, but I did tell Mary to tell her mom she loves her.

Which. Is why I’m writing. It didn’t get heavy.

I did some prethinking in my head. Look, I don’t script everything. But it is a LOT easier openning up and sharing shite if I’ve already taken two seconds to think about it.

In my head, I’m this big sniffling crybaby. This vulnerable piece of boymeat.

In my head, at least.

I think of the times when the storm iis raging in my head. Fire and brimstone, the battle with the balrog rages.

Yet on the outside, people just see this guy.

Things are never as big as they are in my head. Nor do most people even perceive what’s underneath. Even when I’m trying to let my guard down.

It’s the other side of the feeling that I scream into the void and nobody will listen. I joke that I hide in plain sight, as a ruse. It’s so obvious, I think to myself.

Am I harder to read than I think? No, I don’t think that’s it. I once said to Mary, “I don’t lie. I’m not a good liar.” To which she said, “No, you’re not.”

I decided not to follow up on that, HA HA.

It is indeed quite interesting how this grunt job helps my mental health. The mere existing in the world among the plebians. You can’t sit in an empty room and expect to understand your place with the outside world.