sept 28 in idea barrages

If everyone could just say “that isn’t my thing but I’m glad you like it” about things like the Taylor Swift movie, the world would be like 83% better instantly. INSTANTLY.

Okay, you win Youtube, my brain is mashing up Wilco’s “Jesus Etc” with Modest Mouse’s “Blame It On The Tetons” against its will. Yes, that is the most Wilco song that Modest Mouse ever recorded. Yes, I know too much about post-grunge stuff no one else cares about, yes.

I’m a big fan of Alternate Takes On Mythic Weaknesses. Vampires just don’t LIKE looking in mirrors because they hate seeing the monsters they’ve become. Kryptonite just makes Superman really sad because his planet exploded. Werewolves just find silver jewelry cringy gaudy.

I have learned that “The Golden Bachelor” is named Gary and while I do not watch that kind of union-busting piffle, I certainly hope one of the Golden Bachelorettes is named “Diana” so we can do a lot of “Gary, Indiana” jokes.

Now I wanna write a parody of Metallica’s Sanitarium about an Astrology Girl trying to not date a Sagittarius.

Going to a personal trainer would suggest that I am domesticatable which, I fear, I am not. I’m like a really lazy wolf.

If you are vegan and do not want to say you “cut the cheese” may I suggest “blew tofu”?

Imagine having the gall to try & start a new ketchup brand. Heinz has the platonic ideal sealed but people are still out there like “I’ll be a billionaire if I do it better!” There is something sadly beautiful about the delusion of human arrogance. We live and die by it.