Possible solutions? in Walking away and into the New

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again now and also down the line. I really feel at home in this waning moon energy, almost balsamic. I was born during this phase. I wonder if others tend to feel the same around their own birth moon phases?

T met me and gave me my Christmas box. I located, purchased, and set up a different keyboard to hopefully help with pain during the week.

I took a lesson from Z and made a recipe book. It was from the old notebook T and all the rules written in. They went in the memory box in the baggy marked Tom…and I organized some of the things I like to make. And I did it. I make a crockpot Italian chicken with asparagus and mushrooms, home made cassava flour crust pizza, mahi tuna in the air fryer, soft boiled eggs on bread, and cauliflower rice and noodles ready to go. It was disorganized…but I did it nonetheless :)

I think I found a better kitty litter for Hershey Marshmallow…paper. Still doesn’t track much and I think he finds it easier on his paws.

I found workout bras and bottoms…even the type that fancy girls wear but for a lot cheaper than what they pay. Z loved the photo I sent when I asked if it was appropriate to wear it today. It fit…and I didn’t look too fat :)

Then with Z. I told him my thought that things felt messy and I think we are naturally going to help that just by bringing in more intimacy without the lifestyle. We have to feel safe and close first…and it will only enhance play. I know I’m terrified of getting hurt…and without carefully built intimacy, BDSM can be used as a barrier to keep him at arms length…or really farther. Adds to a heart wall, which I think I have again because of Tom.

But I want to let go of any anger I have…also a block (towards T) but effects Z and I.

My 5:
figuring out some solutions
talking to mom
dance today
Hershey ate again after being sick
have my family Christmas things back

NTS:
I need to respect my own boundaries and the boundaries for others. I need to wait to ask to help and only give/share as much as the other person.

I need to respect my natural timing.

I need to put energy and time into what makes me feel fulfilled and honors my values AND respect and not judge the values of others even if it goes against my morals.

If I’m stuck with a question…I can ask myself what option would support a healthy sense of self worth.

Things to think about. I don’t want to repeat the same patterns…
love