july 11 in idea barrages

1. Why say “that mentat is practically tattooed by the Juice of Sapho!” when you can say “that Thufir Hawat, he’s a real think-stained wretch!”

2. A drag performer reads to children under 30 pounds of petticoats.

Conservatives: “BURN THE WITCH!”

A G.O.P. Congresswoman poisons a pregnant woman with vape smoke & jacks a guy off at an all-ages musical performance.

Conservatives: “A TRUE PATRIOT & DAUGHTER OF CHRIST!”

1. While it is fair to say that there are many white coaches who unfairly get a lot less flack for being tremendously repellent braggart dickheads, for at least partially-racist reasons, that also doesn’t change the fact that Deion Sanders is a supremely un-likeable asshole.

2. A bad-guy wrestler whose nom-de-guerre and LITERAL GIMMICK is “Florida Man”. He comes to the ring in a stolen golf cart, smoking meth, he mostly just hits people with foreign objects and his finisher is THE PANHANDLE where he literally hits you on the head with a pan.

3. Your barely-competent sorcerer’s fumbled attempt at a sleep spell. A Mid Summoner’s Nightdream.

4. A parody of Van Halen’s “Panama” about having agita?

5. You order shrimp fried rice. The order arrives, it is the best vegetarian fried rice you’ve ever eaten, but zero shrimp in it. You ask to speak to the chef. He comes out, it is Tom Cruise, training for a role as an Special Forces guy posing as a chef. It all makes sense now.

6. My favourite recursive cocktail: Royal Crown and Crown Royal. It’s basically a Jack and Coke from an alternate dimension.