july 1 in idea barrages

It’s always been weird to me how most people imagine military faster-than-light space travel as being like an airplane or a sailing ship. I have to imagine it would feel so much more like a submarine and it’d be interesting to see it depicted more often in those terms.

Go to Buffalo. Start a sandwich shop called “Weck-It Walph”. Dare Disney to give you the international publicity of suing you.

Reenact the Bohemian Rhapsody scene from Wayne’s World, but with the intentionally awful cover by the comedy metal band Bad News.

I’m just saying, if you’re ever the writer on a Pokemon porno parody, please include the line “Looks like Team Rocket’s getting off again!”

I love the CONCEPT of leaf peeping, I just hate the PHRASE “leaf peeping” because it makes me imagine trying to pee a bunch of crushed up dry leaves, which sounds even more horrific than passing a kidney stone.

I like to think that at Middle-Earth orgies, hobbits are like “Oh yes, I’ve had phallus but what about second phallus?”

I HOLD GRUDGES / LIKE KEEBLERS HOLDS FUDGES would be a great rap line.

No matter how horny you think the internet is, it’s always hornier than that. It’s kinda awful but also kinda hilarious. The kind of guys who’d jack off to the Sears catalogue in 1993 now just jack off to just completely normal pics on social media in 2023. Being human is weird.