june 29 in idea barrages

One thing you can do is press on your navel whenever you urinate, and pretend you’re actually some kind of cool weird dispenser machine instead of an animal that was born and will die. Add a little whimsy to this short forced march, for God’s sake.

NOOSE, FOOTNOOSE, YOU WEIRDLY TIE YOUR SHOES / JEEZ, LOUISE, THE THINGS GO UP TO YOUR KNEES / GUY, UNTIE / BEFORE YOUR TOES ALL DIE / DUDE, THEY’RE BLUE / C’MON, CUT THAT FOOTNOOSE

I sure hope that by this point, someone has titled one of those charity “beefcake” firefighter calendars THIRST RESPONDERS.

A movie about a chiropractor who works on a luxury blimpliner called ADJUSTED FOR INFLATION.

Florida’s motto changed from “it’s not the heat, it’s the humidity” to “it’s not the humidity, it’s the hate” so incrementally, its hard to imagine that the latter wasn’t always the prevailing downside of the place.

I rarely have to drive long distance early, I’m lucky to have shifts at my job that start noon or later, but every time I must endure syndicated morning talk radio, it regresses even more into embarrassing cliche. Next time I do an airport run, they’ll have added in laugh tracks.

You don’t so much “go” to Waffle House, you more “come out of a fugue state and discover you somehow awoke in” a Waffle House.

The announcement of a third CGI Trolls movie must be one of the seven seals in the Revelations.