Cosyx in Walking away and into the New

My mouth dropped when this came up today. I understand the spiritual workings of the person dealing with a condition that effects this, but this is the second time I’ve heard it. Once in my dream and once today. “Sitting on old pain and blaming self.” The whole thing was triggering and I had to cry in between calls. Timmers :( Then I wondered why I went into a deep depressive state after. I didn’t have time to feel it and it carried over. Didn’t workout and let my body heal from all the weight training yesterday. I should clear my energy.

555-Time for a change. 4:44 before that.

Sara won tonight and we watched a documentary on a family crime. Had we never gone though our own trauma, I wonder if she would have led us into law. She LOVED serving jury and everything about the court house. I recognize my parts as they drift and guide me. They only really separate under severe triggers. The goal is to stay whole I guess?

Part of me feels embarrassed that I am still seeing M. For that reason, a small part of me has considered stopping therapy with her. I feel like I’ll let her down if I don’t join that group or if I continue to seek out mail companionship. She referred me to a nutritionist when my ED symptoms were reactivating during the deepest stages of EMDR. I felt I let both of them down when I couldn’t eat as much carbohydrates and she wanted me to for every meal. She had no understanding of autoimmune and was following a step by step protocol. But I guess am still worked with me and I got it together on my own. I just don’t want to disappoint her :(

Hey, it’s okay.
love