march 26 in idea barrages

If you ever have the opportunity to respond condescendingly to The Pringles Guy, please start your retort with the words “My brother in crisps”. Thank you.

A parody of “Dancing In The Moonlight” about how Ted Danson is secretly a werewolf.

I look at some of these weddings where people want their personal Oscars ceremony when, really, it’s where you pay to watch your second-cousins get drunk while you wear uncomfortable clothes. It’s the start of something, not an end. Go to the justice of the peace, my dudes.

Gullibility is rarely ignorance. Gullibility is most often a desperation for the world to make sense on your own specific terms. The world rarely makes sense and never on any person’s terms but they want it so bad. They’ll pay any price and ignore any fact to hear otherwise.

Your hip-hop reimagining of TZAR AND TZIMMERMAN will involve the line “I love it when she calls me Big Pauper”.

Generational wealth is an invasive species killing off the lush diverse garden of human experience.

“The farther one travels, the less one really knows” can also mean “the farther you get from your place of safety, the more new things to learn” and that is beautiful.

The dog is nearly blind now and hard to take on long nose adventures, so whenever I come home with the scents of people he doesn’t know, he joyfully snuffles at my pant legs for like 10 minutes. “Oliver!” I yell, “I have brought you new sniffs!” I am his sniff-deliverer.