some kind of a monster barrage in idea barrages

1.) Refurbishing Big Ben is a painstakingly delicate task but they’re working around the clock.

2.) It was the kind of day where simple air conditioning would not do. Air re-education was in order.

3.) The Illuminati have access to a secret Queen song “Bohemian Grove Rhapsody” but none of us will ever hear it.

4.) Eden was full of good-natured ribbing.

5.) His favourite pornographic parody of a Shakespeare play was definitely “Tightest Andronicus”.

6.) You’re not drilling into a tree for maple sugar sap, you’re giving it a Groot canal.

7.) A parody of Jack Chick pamphlets trying to convert people to Odinism just so we can call them Nordic Tracts?

8.) Next time someone gets obsessive about their craft project, tell them “that’s some real anal beading!” You’ll be glad you did.

9.) Next time someone sneezes say “Joe Pesci!” really fast instead of “God bless you”. See if they notice.

10.) 20,000th tweet. I deserve some kind of don’t-have-a-lifetime achievement award. 20,000 tweets is a kind of a cry for help. 20,000 tweets is specifically a cry “please I need a day job”. 20,000 tweets.

11.) A monument to the guys who reminded victorious Roman generals that they were in fact not gods. A statue of limitations.

12.) It’ll be the perfect merger of search engine and satellite radio. It will be called YahooSirius.

13.) “Cleaning” is just another way to say “losing everything important because you’re overly concerned what other people think”.

14.) Why can’t the Silver Surfer eat sweets? He’s galactose-intolerant.

15.) We’re not going broke from feeding the poor. We’re going broke cuz we’re always at war.

16.) Everyone rags on rap for having braggy lyrics but there is no song more braggy on Earth than Manilow’s “I Write The Songs”.

17.) I want to hear, like, a Norse viking metal band cover cheesy rap songs from my youth. I want them to be called “Valhalla Ice”.

18.) Listen all y’all it’s a découpage, listen all y’all it’s a découpage! LISTEN ALLA Y’ALL IT’S A DECOUPAGE!

19.) Fish top, lady bottom. It’s a revermaid.

20.) He took to the idea of being a hermit with great zeal. You might even say, recluse abandon.

21.) A cheap margarita singing “you ain’t never had a blend, never had a blend, never had a blend like me.”

22.) Three years ago, captioning Grumpy Cat with the phrase “what’s for breakfast? Honey Bunches Of Nope” could have been A Thing.

23.) If you buy perfume by the bulk, are you getting a case of the vapours?

24.) No crosshairs in your telescope? That’s reticleless!

25.) It’s a little dwelling with walls woven together out of bacon. It’s a pigloo.

26.) Oh no, twitter pirates! Raise the mention-masts! Batten down the hashtags!

27.) Most zero tolerance laws exist only to perpetuate systemic intolerance. Language itself betrays their agenda.

28.) The invention of the Garden Weasel was truly groundbreaking.

29.) In Star Wars fandom, the decanonization of The Expanded Universe is a real Wedge issue.

30.) Maybe the Shia just hate us because we’ve associated them with Shia LeBeouf. If we just renamed him Scientology LeBeouf, world peace?

31.) Link ends up having sex with both Zelda AND Ganon after he finds the Bi-Force.

32.) The idea of outrage against an athlete using PEDs harming only himself is quaint compared to the horrors football players get away with now.

33.) When kinky hipsters go to Starbucks, they’ll only drink Blumpkin Spice.

34.) That mantra’s a real trance-former. More than meets the third eye.