96 in idea barrages

1.) If “House Hunters” were about actually stalking, hunting and killing buildings, I would probably actually watch it.

2.) Next you know, the Tea Party will try and ban imported washing machines because they’re afraid of foreign agitators.

3.) Groot and the Ents teamed up to form a hip-hop supergroup, Knotty By Knature.

4.) If your nemesis is Popcorn Kernelman, carry waxed floss, it will negate his powers.

5.) It’s not about writing what you know, it’s about writing how you’ve come to know things.

6.) Your mission is to mash up Steely Dan’s “Brooklyn (Owes The Charmer Under Me)” with the Beastie Boys “No Sleep ‘Til Brooklyn”.

7.) The worst part of driving in traffic through the Hasidic parts of Brooklyn was getting cut off by a mohel.

8.) John McCain’s answer for everything is war. If his Whopper lacks ketchup, he’s all like “we must bomb the sandwich royalists!”