barrage in motion 11 in idea barrages

1.) If your periodic table is not up to quality standards, send your complaints to the Better Bismuth Bureau.

2.) If they’re showing “Charlie & The Chocolate Factory” in coach, you KNOW they’re getting “Willy Wonka” in first class.

3.) A parody of “Hot For Teacher” about the Creature from the Black Lagoon? About the minor character in Harry Potter?

4.) We can just admit that, culturally, Iowa is ruining it for all of us. We can do this now.

5.) People stealing a statue of Reagan and selling it for scrap metal because they can’t find jobs is my picture-postcard of America today.

6.) You shouldn’t have extra rights because you own stuff. It doesn’t make you magical or more than human. You’re just a person with stuff.

7.) “what would be the worst pick-up line of all time? what if I said… the exact opposite of that to you?”

8.) Try the new Cronenburger! The secret in the sauce is what you will become…

9.) Oh God, there’s college football AGAIN? Didn’t… didn’t you all have enough last year? Can’t it just be… done now?