sept 2 in idea barrages

The procedure had been botched by an unanticipated complication, the patient had nearly bled out on the table. The oral surgeon had a panic attack, balled up on the floor of his office, until a colleague finally came and said “Dentist, brace thyself.”

It would be fun to re-shoot episodes of FRIENDS without a laugh track or conventionally attractive actor, to show how much it failed at comedy, working only as a dull fantasy about being a blandly attractive person with no visible means of support to project themselves into.

Why call it “sequel frustration” when you could call it “pants-up aggression”?

The greatest name for a country-and-western drag act is, of course, “Conway Titty”.

You know, just as viable a name for the dance move “The Moonwalk” would be “The Astroglide”.

The fun thing about seeing a social media account shared by a couple is trying to figure out which one of them used social media to find an affair and which one is punishing them for the rest of their life by having a shared couples social media account.

If we can do chocolate bunnies for Easter, we can certainly also do hollow chocolate dragons sitting atop a bunch of pressed-sugar “gold coins” as its hoard, the same candy they use for bunny eyes, but for some unknown reason, we’re not doing it.

“That’s not a mixed drink,” you tell me, “you just poured espresso into Nyquil.” I come close to you and whisper into your ear “…I call it The Hatman’s Surprise.”