june 28 in idea barrages

A penny thrown into an actual functioning wishing well, that’s life changing money.

Any amount of money, no matter how big or how small, spent at a brothel is technically “fuck you money”.

Victor Frankenstein was history’s greatest bodybuilder.

If you could just engineer a pretzel rod dense and sturdy enough to survive the frying of the corndog, you wouldn’t need to throw out the wooden handle at all, you could just eat it at the end. Pretzel and hot dog are both mustard conveyances, it just makes sense.

Jarred neon-syrup cherries are so gross, I think it kind of killed “pretty please with a cherry on top.” “Pretty please with a CHURRO on top” though, that’s pretty compelling.

Content, content everywhere, but not a drop of contentment.

If a person from the Netherlands steps all over your heart, you now have clogged arteries.

I forget my debit card’s PIN number on a regular basis but I could be on my deathbed in 50 years I would be able to sing to you the “Zestfully clean, Zestfully clean, you’re not fully clean unless you’re Zestfully clean” jingle to you. This is our fate, as Americans.