may 7 in idea barrages

The trombone is nature’s slide whistle.

What would be fun would be PUBLIC SCHOOL DETECTIVE, a P.I. who solves crimes on the strength of otherwise utterly useless knowledge we’re given in American public schools for reasons no one understands. Like a square-dance or paper-maiche volcano based crime.

Your trash metal band that only does George Michael covers will be called “Wham of God”.

Going to a Disney park can be fun as an adult, but when I see Disney Adult Youtubers geeking out over the character meet-ups, I’m just like… “womanchild youtuber, that’s an underpaid teenager sweating his ass off in that Daisy Duck suit, calm your jibblies.”

If you’re gonna do the sword fight, at least beforehand, in preparation chant in sync “one, two, three, four, I declare a come war”.

The opposite of worrying isn’t not worrying. The opposite of worrying is thinking. Worry is spinning your wheels about a problem. Thinking is the process of finding solutions.

You don’t know how much you’ll miss being able to house three bags of cheese ravioli before bed until you get the sugar and can no longer house three bags of cheese ravioli before bed. Enjoy youth! Age will take your sacred carbs away from you.

I’ll never understand “holding up a big fishing catch in your dating profile” energy. My dude, my brother in fish, a woman will either be mad she didn’t catch that fish or not care at all. This is lose-lose. No matter where you go on the spectrum of fish-interest, you’ve lost.