710 (300th PB post) in idea barrages

1.) That player who would be great if he got all his talent in order but no team wants to have him while he's working on it? He is my analogy to my dateability.

2.) Joe Tehan's kids will be looking for you. Joe Tehan's kids are calling you on the phone. THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE, OH SH-

3.) You know you're getting old when the three-way fantasies are blotted out by the realization "I don't have the energy for that".

4.) Remember that Washington was a terrorist overthrowing distant wealth only so the local wealth could rule... from a... certain point of view.

5.) A nerd version of WEST SIDE STORY would be the subs versus the dubs. A whole song about over-pronouncing the word MAHN-gah.

6.) If I ever started a cryonics lab for the stars, our motto would definitely be "many are called but few are frozen".

7.) I sure hope that literally going nuts means shapeshifting into Mr. Peanut. Steal his monocle for me!

8.) Those horrifying new Doritos things at the 7/11 should've been called Unidentifiable Fried Objects. It's catchier.

9.) It's about a foundling hobbit being raised by ents. It's called TREE MEN AND A BABY.

10.) Extreme Slow Cooking! Rock out with your crock out!

11.) I want Scott Baio to play Beowulf just for the wordplay value of it and, dammit, so do you.

12.) Your freedoms extend as far as the tip of your nose. Your religious freedoms do not give you the right to oppress others.

13.) It's a conspiracy of hairdressers. It's the Voluminatti.

14.) Joke about Nazis hiding in Argentina winning either way in the World Cup... here. Choose your own comedy adventure!