6.21 in idea barrages

1.) There are times I feel like early Supergirl, a secret last-ditch plan kept under wraps until some crisis, chafing under the restraint.

2.) The point when A.I. can be even more sick of "White Christmas" in December than humans is called the technological bingularity.

3.) Illegal edibles workin' on a food chain gang. Olestra, MSG, red dye #5, they're doing hard time on the food chain gang.

4.) Wal-Mart + Velveeta = Voldemort. It's word math, plain as day, don't blame me, I didn't make it that way.

5.) Sleep, like communism, is wonderful in theory. In practice, they are both difficult to achieve bloodlessly and filled with fitful trembling.

6.) When someone's anti-vaccination madness goes viral, the very concept of irony drops the mic and walks off the stage.

7.) The heart of the fantastic is mundane and vice-versa. You are transformed by where you were, are and where you're headed. Move anyway.

8.) Two fun things to refer to myself as would be "a subjective humanist" and "the Biz Markie of literary fiction".

9.) The dog just wants to stick his head into the wind and sniff until the stars blink out. Dog, you & I are on the same wavelength.

10.) Whenever I'm about to do something fun, I imagine the lead-up animation to the multi-ball in ADDAMS FAMILY PINBALL. Iiiiiiiiit's SHOW-time.

11.) I want a mash-up of Rolph the Dog and Dolph Lundgren to exist. And box Sylvester Stallone. But now at this age. Old fat Sly.

12.) Ghosts do not a haunted house make but rather visions of what should or could've been, rattling around in the inhabitants heads.

13.) If you are young enough to still be in college, please refer to your campus's fraternity council as The Broviet Union.

14.) You acquire fame because your ideas resonate with the multitudes. Fame slowly disconnects you from that shared experience. Fame eats itself.

15.) The Lon Chaney prequel "London Before Midnight" failed with vigor.

16.) We can look upon this life as a series of already closed doors to maintain some imagined pre-existing purity or we can look upon this life as a series of ways to explore and challenge our ideas of who we are. The former feels secure in the moment but, man, the latter is a real adventure. Myself, I'd rather be a story I am writing now than a story than a story someone else wrote before I was even born. Embrace mutation.

17.) I mean, their lifestyle choice is foreign and frankly bizarre to me but I'm not gonna tell golfers they can't get married.

18.) It's about the Venus de Milo's adventures in space. It's called Mostly Armless.

19.) It's the ABCs of writing, brother. Always. Be. Composing.

20.) He was bitten by a cursed helicopter and now, under the light of a full moon, he transforms into an airwolf.

21.) The Kaufman Result hopes for one third of the audience to leave in disgust and another third to stand in applause.

22.) Sourdough Method breaks writers block by putting part of whatever you wrote last on the empty page so that you're not starting from scratch.

23.) Faith is an old beaten rag, an exhausted fashion of the past. Hard-won hope is the evergreen. Hope is the new black.

24.) All vengeance does is triple the number of victims. All thoughts of vengeance do is double that number. And so on.

25.) Alan, I still miss you and wonder what you would have thought of the internet, of satellite radio, of 500-channel cable and everything. I hope that in Valhalla they appreciate having such a phenomenal morning-drive DJ as you.

26.) You can't teach lovemaking between two people through the exhibition of your own self-pleasure. But if you think you can, go screw yourself.

27.) It's not what happened, it's what you learned & who you became. If it made you a wise coward scrabbling in the wilds, we could start a club.

28.) Wine after all is simply vinegar that hasn't had its heart broken yet. Consider how bland our palate would be without vinegar.

29.) Those few moments in the beginning when you don't know if the song is going to be "Slow Ride" or "Iron Man" yet.

30.) If someone is literally telling you that MAGIC BEANS will help you lose weight, maybe you should remember what a fairy tale is.

31.) A shredding phone book at a female body-building competition, screaming in agony "you're tearing me APART, Lisa!"