Day off from employment, rest day from gym. in The Napkin.

Slept in, though thankfully it’s still short of noon. Whether I need(ed) extra sleep, I’ll find out tomorrow morning. I don’t feel red-lined on sleep. I have work at 2 rather than 3pm now, so I’ve lost an hour of buffer time to get my workout in. But, still haven’t truly missed a workout.

I still jot down workout routine ideas in my spare time. An entire spare notebook full of potential schemes. Writing out progressions. Nothing I will do until next year. I’m on week 14 of 27, and there’s definitely a nice feeling in making a plan and doing it. How I’ll adapt to NaNoWriMo, I haven’t fully figured out.

I need milk. That’s about the only critical task today. I know some of you are lactose intolerant, and that’s just dairyist. I’m lactose dependent. I NEED MY MOO MOO. I feel unsafe when my fridge is empty of milk.

I’ve actually said “lactose dependent” in casual conversation enough times that I’ve gotten a “wait, seriously?’ reaction. I have to clarify that it isn’t actually a thing. Except in the facet that due to regular lactose ingestion, my body naturally produces lactase to process it. So, I crave milk if I go even a day without it.

Do you have a support system? Both my therapists asked me this, and I wonder if it’s a standard question. Both times, I’d swear I answered yes. You’re supposed to say yes, right? And I’d do my best to answer who they were. And there wasn’t really any follow-ups regarding that.

If I were able to afford it now? I’d probably go from the other end. I never had as much of a support system as I would have liked. I’d rather now say “No, I don’t have anyone” even if it’s not entirely true.

My casual misanthropy and nihilism is pretty unchecked these days. Suffering will end when we’re all dead. So I’d rather start from a place of utter negativity and be pried to point out bright spots. Than come in all “Yeah, sure, I have a support system”.

Gosh, I’m a pain in the ass. : P

But. It is awfully lonely feeling like there’s nobody to take care of you.

I’m not sure what to do with myself today. I know I’ll be annoyed at myself if I don’t enjoy it. I’ll be annoyed if I don’t rest. I’ll also be annoyed if I’m not productive.

Maybe we’ll see what annoys me the most and I’ll alleviate that.