july 5 in idea barrages

Whenever baseball announcers call a leg strain a “tight hammy” I imagine Miss Piggy demanding Kermit talk during to her during sex, despite his mild and positive nature, and him only being able to muster “Piggy, you’re my little… tight hammy… does that work?”

SANTA CLAUS HAS GLADBOD.

It’s a good thing LinkedIn was never anything more than a depressing Tinder of jobs because as a success they would have had the money to buy the naming rights to a major league stadium, naming it “LinkedIn Park”.

If you have the Chef feat and you are a spellcaster, you should also get the spell SUMMON BEEF.

Now I wanna hear a mash-up of Fountains of Wayne’s “Stacy’s Mom” and Hayden’s “Bad As They Seem”.

All the 2nd Amendment states is our right to a well-regulated militia, any “right” to bear arms only exists within that context. If you wanna play-act as Rambo, you’re free to join the Reserves. Anything beyond that are the fantasies of corrupt judges owned by the death industry.

A knight mascot for Pizza Hut called “Sir Percival Panpizza”.

The meme about McDonalds ice cream machines always being down is nice, but how about a meme about how the gas station receipt printer, is always down, always tells you to go into ask the cashier for the receipt and the cashier never knows what you’re talking about when you go in.