Ho Hum. in The Napkin.

8 hours of sleep, check. Plenty of food, check. Holding off on cookies last night? Uhhhh. I’ll try to watch my cookie quota tonight.

Woke up rested today but not entirely motivated. I am trying to observe my emotions to watch for signs of burnout. Then again, I’m rarely OH BOY for squat day, even if I know I’ll hit my lifts. The body kind of knows “you’re doing THAT again?”

Ironically, if I were aiming for raw strength, it wouldn’t have been a two hour workout. Okay, hour 50 minutes, but whatever.

Gym, nap, meeting, and hit the library for an hour to read. Yes. Read. This has been on my list of habits to form for a long time. I have issues concentrating when I read. But, libraries are an altered space, and it’s easier to focus. Or, if my mind does wander, it’s pondering what I’m reading and not much more.

Fifty pages into “The Happy Satanist.” Been looking for something that is different or even the opposite of the 12 steps. In short, being told you’re worthless and only big G can save you doesn’t really jive with me. Oh, there’s good in the big book. But the slant is there.

This book, it is refreshing to read such simplicity of “you are the greatest power in your own life”. Big book would tell you that your ego is getting in the way.

I have never gotten anywhere in life just waiting for things to happen. Because I’ve spent most of my life doing just that. Stagnating and waiting. You can’t pray addiction away any more than you can pray the gay away. (Might not be a good analogy.) Believing yourself powerless leads to relapse for a lot of people. The groupthink is “Well, if you think you’re powerful, then you’ll be tempted!”

Well, no. If you really are in control of your own life, you won’t need willpower at all. You can swat impulses away like turning off a facet.

I mean.

If you think you’re going to a fail a test, you’re setting yourself up to fail. If you tell yourself that you will do well, you have a better chance of succeeding. Power of positive thinking. That’s what people are actually getting out of prayer.

Oh, I don’t see myself actually taking up a Satanist label. “It’s just fancy atheism.” What’s the Bruce Lee adage? Take what is useful, reject what isn’t. Moreover, The Satanic Temple are a bunch of constructive trolls taking it to the christian political agenda.

If nothing else, I really really want to get into a reading habit. Having more than I can do during the day is good for me. It’s about 4:30 pm now, and if I did nothing else for the day, I’d feel content and “accomplished”. Though, I should roll the towels in the dryer…