sept 8 in idea barrages

Upon reflection, Burger King’s “Have It Your Way” slogan was incredibly passive-aggressive. It would be like McDonalds having a “You Think You Know Better Than Us, Huh?” slogan or Taco Bell running with a “Oh, The Princess Needs Her Beans In The Royal Fashion” campaign.

You are on the Lazy River at the local water park. Do you start loudly singing “THEY CALL ME TUBIN’ PETE, I’M THE KING OF THE SUMMER BEAT” or are you a coward?

It is a wonderful realization when you see you only have the dimmest knowledge of the people McDonalds is teaming up with for celebrity promotions. Congrats, popular culture has passed you by and you no longer have any obligation to care. Pop no longer has any power over you.

NEW YORK CITY SAVED FROM BARRY MANILOW BY HURRICANE is the greatest real headline ever.

Imagine mixing horse medicine from the Agway into your oatmeal instead of wearing a mask because Alex Jones said so.

Your emo band will be called Sads Mikkelsen.

A consecrated breakfast cereal called Praisin’ Bran.

The optimal R.E.M. parody involves the line “That’s me in the coroner, that’s me in the town morgue, fucking the mortician.”