aug 19 in idea barrages

Sure, 45 minutes a day for a year can get you shredded abs but for a mere five minutes total with floss you can have shredded gums. That’s… close, right?

Your Iowa college marching band styled Prince cover “Nothing Cornpares 2 U” will be amaizeing.

I mean, Arbys could absorb Long John Silvers to create the eldritch abomination Yaaaaaaaaaarbys. I’m just saying we could go there.

The future anthropologists discover a series of small temples scattered across the land, devoted to an obscured but clearly important deity called Zahu. They do not know that these were all just Pizza Huts. It is the past’s little secret.

You signed the paper agreeing to take Spanish lessons, you are contractually hablagated.

Sadly, the “Turtleboi” parody would only work because of the Avril O’Neil pun.

Why say “chastity belt factory” when you can say “office of the pubic defender”?

Bruce Springsteen out there, spending the last three decades trying to pretend he has become a poor Nebraska dirt-farmer, meanwhile his kid’s out there taking a silver medal in a sport that people who own two yachts can’t afford to partake in.