aug 20 in idea barrages

Microwaving Ellios alone at 3AM creates the legendary “impersonal pan pizza”.

Did you see that show-off archer? His knees were quivering!

LESS ICE CREAM SOCIALS, MORE PARFAIT PAR-TAYS!

Why say it’s your “ex’s perfume or cologne” when you can call it “old bae seasoning”?

How did I JUST realize that Beakman is the son of Dr. Forrester and TV’s Frank?

When you’re rich and famous, no one tells you you’re dirty or you stink or it’s ridiculous to bankrupt all the bookstores so you can pretend to be an astronaut until eventually, you just think you’re always clean and smell like roses. Detachment from reality is a hell of a drug.

It’s almost like taking a human being and focusing them solely on athletic performance from the age of 9 then surrounding them in a wealth-and-fame bubble from the age of 22 creates a person that is wildly ignorant and completely out of touch with reality.

LIFE HACK: If you need to pretend your 3.75” G.I. Joes are being encased in a carpet to be disposed of in the river? That’s what the Fruit Roll-Ups are there for!