july 3 in idea barrages

RESOLVED: The worst episodes of any podcast are the “live tour” episodes because audiences are uniformly obnoxious in the beliefs that they’re funny and we want to hear them, not the hosts. But because they’re doubly profitable, they’re the ones podcasters themselves love most.

MODERN FORTUNE COOKIE: If your only flashlight is your cell phone, how will you find your cell phone?

Conjoined twins are great friends to have, great listeners, they always give you their undivided attention.

A rapping welder being all like “WHOA, crank that solder, boy, WHOA, crank that solder, boy”.

LESS PROMOTIONS, MORE PREMONITIONS!

A sex doll made out of papier-mâché is a “siñata”.

Another name that fits the exact rhythm of Eleanor Rigby: Taika Waititi.

The “Thin Mint Blizzard” isn’t “exclusively” at Dairy Queen. Anyone can throw ice cream in a blender with mint chocolate cookies. “Brand” means nothing. A brand is something burnt into something owned. Don’t be owned. Throw the cookies in the blender.