may 2 in idea barrages

Love when a Twitter profile’s just a bunch of job titles there’s no way you could be all at the same time: “Manager/Actor/Writer/Trainer/Producer/Model/Influencer/Photographer/Lawnmower Repair”. You know all he really does is fix lawnmowers and take pics of himself at the gym.

I kind of want Michael Stipe to do something terrible so we can get the headline “Problematic For The People”.

You look up ONE video on self-massage because of your headaches and all the sudden, youtube feeds you ten thousand videos that make it very obvious that ASMR videos about lady barbers are a very popular fetish. Internet, you NASTY.

Icelandic dogs go “bjark, bjark”.

At least call your barbershop quartet “THE OLD KIDS ON THE BLOCK”.

Always ask the vet if they make horse calls.

It kills me when we absorb, as culturally true, the bald-faced lies companies make up to toe the lines of copyright and repressive culture. Baby Ruth was absolutely named after Babe Ruth, Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds was 100% about LSD. Yet the safe lie is told and we believe it.

The tuba was the original “drop that bass”.