apr 20 in idea barrages

Caught smoking behind the refrigerated birds exhibit, the manager just ordered the stoned zoologist into a meeting. “HR.” she said, “Puffin Stuff.”

We’re gonna make your yardcare real easy by just ripping out all the grass and putting in rocks that we spraypaint green. It’s called Blandscaping.

Dr. Frankenstein and Igor took their team building exercises a little too literally.

If you think about it, Carrottop actually should’ve had green hair. This has been “the least bad thing about Carrottop”.

In Soviet diet plan, waist is a terrible thing to mind!

I’d never gotten a splinter from one of my own beard hairs when shaving before but, there it was, implanted into the skin atop my knuckle. You live long enough, you get to see all kinds of things, I guess.

We need more games in the past tense. MONOPOLIZED. SCRABBLED. STARVED DEAD HIPPOS.

Imagine the lack of ease there would be in pimpin’ WHILE green. That’s an exponential lack of ease.