mar 1 in idea barrages

Krampus? Yeah. That’s terrifying. You know what’s REALLY terrifying? (whispers in your ear) The Tooth Furry.

I was today years old when I realized that “Some Kind of Wonderful” and “Heartache Tonight” are the exact same song.

You open the box, surprised. Oh, it’s a WALT Whitman’s sampler. That’s why it’s all leaves of grass.

The dinosaur of many names: the thesaurus.

Some day it’d be kinda fun to pretend to be, like, HARDCORE Washington Generals fans. Like follow the Globetrotters around, just booing them, valiantly cheering for their whipping boys. Just OWN the failure.

Salt makes you glum. Pepper makes you weep. It’s time to face it: you have seasonal depression.

Only the very weakest feel the need to project strength.

“Oh man, this muscle relaxant is really kickin’ in” is totally a different thing when you’re in your 40s and have legitimate back problems.