feb 23 in idea barrages

Horatio Alger, who invented all the bootstrap idiocy upon which so many American horrors are founded, only became an author of wealth-worshiping drivel because he was run out of his hometown on a rail for being a pedophile priest. This has been The Most American Fact Ever.

They were married in a Shinto ceremony, it was a real shogun wedding.

I don’t know what COAL IN YOUR STOCKING: WEST VIRGINIA, THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS should be a title for but it should be the title of SOMETHING.

Voldemort began his path to evil when as a child, a wizard was playing “got your nose” with him and accidentally actually took his nose. That’d warp anybody.

What old guns and coke head werewolves have in common is they’re both muzzle loaders.

A balmy 50 degree Christmas flood in the southern Adirondacks sounds like a real 2020 kind of thing.

This Christmas, people who think Trump somehow gets a second term in the White House will be telling kids there’s no Santa Claus, when Santa is more real than their conspiracy theories. Saint Nicolas was a real dude in Turkey in the way back, at least.

IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE without the middle parts is about a suicidal guy who changes his mind last minute and starts raving about religious hallucinations to anyone who’ll listen. And everyone gives him money for it!