feb 21 in idea barrages

You all worrying about where the pants would go on this or that, I’m still trying to figure out how many sticks you’d need to crucify a centaur.

A rapper wasting money on a rivalry is a lot like Arbys in that they’re both overflowing with beefin’ cheddar.

I look forward to the day when once it would be merely tasteless and not simply ghoulish to hear someone mention a super-spreader event and quip: “You mean like YOUR MOM? OOOOO!”

When a person blindly desperate for a magical concrete meaning finds someone who will give them their lie and say its true, they’ll go to the ends of the Earth for them. Martin Shkreli’s girlfriend. The Jonestown cult. Scientologists. Trump worshipers. It’s all the same thing.

Establishing a system for organizing human beings that doesn’t actively reward sociopathy and narcissism should not be this hard.

Pretend you think the song is called Updog Funk to trick them into saying “what’s updog, funk?”

You take your Kraft Dinner, you put a little red dye in the cheese dust packet, you cut a deal with Sesame Street, bam, “Elmo Macaroni” sells like hotcakes. Easy squeezy.

Bizarro Scrooge’s catchphrase is “Ah! Bum hug!”