Sleep Report, 2-8-2021 in The Napkin.

Or lack thereof.

I tried staying up late to tire myself out. And as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was wide awake. No sleep aids last night, as I prefer not to take them two days in a row.

Spirits were okay, so the first three hours weren’t too bad. Just saying to lay still, other than my habit of tapping one of my feet. Boredom didn’t set in until around three. Passed the time by filling my thoughts with erotic and romantic things. Ended up later causing an erotic/romantic dream. Causing your own dreams by thinking about things before bed really works.

By hour four, a touch of sadness set in.

By hour five, I had a very bad stray thought. “Well, at least I don’t feel anxious. Hope I don’t feel anxious.”

And worrying about being anxious made me a touch anxious.

Go figure.

By hour six, I’d been to the bathroom multiple times with cramps and a touch of nausea. No pukeytown, but the kind of cramps that make your eyes water and your nose run. Keep thinking “i didn’t eat that bad yesterday!”

By hour seven, it dawned on me that constantly thinking wasn’t helping the process, that I should, you know, try not thinking. That’s.... not easy for my brain. I wouldn’t call them necessarily intrusive thoughts, as they weren’t bad, but it is SO hard to turn my brain off. Sun had already come up, and there was that worry of “will I get ANY sleep?” As well, I was getting startled by the smallest noise.

Though, the intrusive thoughts of “what if I lose my memory?” were creeping in. Trying to remember things for no reason, and having small waves of panic that would make me more awake. Feel like I’ve been having issues forming more solid memories since my trauma.

I almost wonder if I slipped straight into the dream. At least two segments. First being at my old house, and my dad redocorating EVERYTHING. Even taking out the rose bushes. It was a feeling of not being in control.

Another segment involved a fictional girl. I was so estatic that I got to KISS a girl. In the dream, her face was vivid, but nobody I know. Image has since faded. (Can still see her nipples through her shirt, and what her clitoris looked like.

Sigh. I’m seriously having difficulty concentrating - don’t let my articulateness fool you. I’m going to go lay back down....

Addendum: Scratch that. As soon as I laid back down, I felt scared and fearful. Time to distract myself with media.

Guess it’s going to be one of those days.

Last updated February 09, 2021