Hugs, and Platonic Love. in The Napkin.

So anyway, I was messaging with someone on fetlife. I sent this message and realized it’s entry-worthy.

“But Timmy, why would you post something kinky like that here?”

IT ISN’T. Believe it or not, not all conversations on that website are wank fodder. I was sharing my trials and trauma from last year, and this person said they wanted to give me a hug. And well, longtime readers know my train of thought just kind of GOES.

Longtime readers surely know bits about this anecdote. …Or “these” anecdotes.

So, I guess it’s time for another SOPHIATALK.

Picture it. Jersey, Senior Year of High School. 2001. The back parking lot. All those kids who thought they were popular used the front parking lot. But us actually cool kids, us goths and rebels and geeks, we used the back parking lot. Even then, I backed my ‘88 Dodge Caravan into “my” spot.

OH MY GOD, I can’t believe I made this a thing.

I always waited a long time to leave, as I thought joining the “line to leave” was pretty stupid. So when I got out to my van, I would climb to the roof of her. …With a little boombox. And sit quietly BLASTING MUSIC.

I bet to someone I went to high school with, I was that weird kid with long black hair and wore a vintage leather jacket who sat on top of his van blasting music in the back parking lot. My goodness gracious, I had my image DOWN in high school.

Anyway, trying to give some context. I was vaguely aware Jen had a troubled home life. But, I didn’t ask questions. Feel free to steal this old phrase I coined:

Don’t go after someone with a crowbar.

It means if you want someone to open up to you emotionally, don’t be too pushy. I HATE HATE HATE when someone asks the “Oh, so tell me about yourself.” Think I coined this when I was 18.

Oh, more hug context. There was this guy, Eric, who would ask Jen for hugs. She’d consent. but like, he asked a LOT.

And I could just FEEL she felt slightly uncomfortable at times. She was a “yellow”. I could FEEL she felt uncomfortable at times. I forget if it was with her or Sanaz that I chatted with that he was bordering on being a creep. Don’t remember if we used the word “creep”, but I know it was brought up at least once.

But, all of Jen’s words and non-verbal cues signaled that she felt safe with me. But, that’s just an aside.

More context… That Senior Prom I went to my Junior Year. The exact phrasing is lost in time, but. As I was asked by my date’s friend if I’d go with her. She asked effectively “How must do I have to pay you to take my friend to the prom?” I think the shock that she thought she’d have to pay me was a bit higher than the feeling of flattery that I was being asked to a prom. Naturally, I did the classy thing and immediately insisted I wouldn’t accept any monetary compensation. It would be my pleasure.

I remember spending some time together with them both and they were sarcastically aghast that I’d never had a Slurpee. Must be a critical crime in Jersey! : D So, they playfully insisted we go to a 7-11. And so, in the back left side of Amanda’s car, I slurped. Screw the screening. Amanda was the date’s friend. Stef was my date. Amanda was more outgoing, and Stef was more shy.

It’s coming back to me. I think Amanda told me that Stef recently had a bad relationship. I think… that explains it. Whatever happened in that “bad relationship”, I never asked. I don’t go after people with crowbars, and I felt it was none of my business. It makes total sense Amanda would be protective of her friend. Girls gotta look out for each other.

I’m honored Amanda felt her friend would be safe around me.

As a postscript, we went to the same college together. They invited me to their dorm room a couple times. (They roomed together.) It was awkward - I still consider myself shy. But I’m honored they felt safe letting me into their personal space. Hey, it’s a college dorm room. We’ve heard the horror stories.

(I’m sure at least one person reading this LOVES my tangent-city style of letting my train of thought just kind of go, and see which track my brain goes.)

Anyway, shall we get on with our feature presentation? I admit I did edit a “little” (WHAT?
EDITTING!?!??) and added “some” more lines. While always rated T for Timmy, definitely rated I for Innocent.

I haven’t had a hug since wife left me.

Reminds me high school, when it occurred to me just how long it had been since I had a hug. Down the road, I made platonic female friends who were openly affectionate. All locking arms with others down the hallway. INCLUDING MEEEE!!! Those small moments made me so happy.

I went to three proms. Junior prom, went with a recent ex. We had the damned tickets. It was… awkward. I went to a Senior prom that same Junior year. I was the one asked out. It was these two girls I was chatting with in gym class. The friend my date is the one who asked me if I’d go with her. She said she asked me because, well, paraphrasing. She wanted someone who wouldn’t be a jerk to her friend. Better experience at that prom.

But Senior Prom, I asked a platonic friend to go with me. I’d been giving her rides home in my ‘88 Dodge Caravan. We’d always hug upon parting. So many hugs. At the time, I kind of memorized the scent of her hoodie.

It was a conscious decision. None of this movie GET THE GIRL shit, my Senior Year. I had so much emotional internal stuff going on Junior Year, that I decided I wasn’t going to date Senior Year.

And so I didn’t.

I think that decision was a high factor in why I look back upon that Senior Year as being so awesome. I admit, I did confide in one girl that I liked her, but when she softly turned me down, I made a conscious decision to make a platonic friend out of her. This paid off in college during our AIM messaging sessions. Mutually far from home, but having a connection with someone. I can highly assure she appreciates our best friend nature during college as I do. Even reached saying the elusive platonic “I love you” to each other.

Gosh, I remember Carolyn’s fears that she’d never find someone. She felt she’d end up an old seamstress. It was a fear she mentioned very casually, but also often. I’m sure my words weren’t perfect, but I did the best I could to reassure her that she’d find someone. She’s now happily married and has reproduced.

Told you so, Nylorac. All those chats with a platonic female really helped me understand women in the years to come. I love you, Nylorac.

......And so, I asked Jen to go with me, and she accepted. Upon driving to the prom, she remarked, “I’ve never seen you nervous before.”

Now, get this, and I can’t make this up. We were going up a curvy Jersey road. I forget whether it was a mix CD or the album itself, but CCR’s “Up Around The Bend” came on. And she joked, “Hey, we’re going up around the bend!”

She helped calm me down.

Anyway, Senior Prom proper was a blast and once there, zero stress. Whereever you are Jen, thank your your friendship and kindness. And hugs. I love you.

.....

Have I mentioned I’m a writer?

Last updated January 05, 2021