the ides of april in idea barrages

1.) Right-wing rancher jackoffs can steal grass for their cattle from public land but we can't camp out at Zuccotti? #OWS

2.) Yeah, it's a rub but it's a DRY rub.

3.) Yeah, it's a hump but it's a DRY hump.

4.) In my restaging of ALL ABOUT THE BENJAMINS w/ Sesame Street characters Big Bird sings as Lil Kim so he can yell "Snuffy hold me DOWN, baby!"

5.) If it wouldn't be so hard to rap, a parody of "How Bizarre" about Rasputin killing the Tzar would probably be fun.

6.) Of course it's "Jesus H. Christ". Jesus Henry Christ. They wrote the Latin for Henry right over the cross!

7.) I guess I've never figured out how to have unconditional love of self without it becoming crazy narcissism. So I've avoided it.

8.) You got the first MFA in rap in the nation/it was issued from the department of Ill Communications.

9.) Beware the Ides of April, actually. They gave all that press to March as a trick so they can sneak up on you.

10.) Right before a lumberjack is about to make a really depressing decision about dating he yells "TINDER!" That's how it was named.

11.) I want a jazz-themed Batman villain named Felonious Monk and I want it NOW.

12.) There will still be hit Western films because they are good DESPITE being Westerns. But as a thriving genre, they're dead.

13.) Ten hours straight of alternating pictures of Nick Cage and Harrison Ford and the rap line "GHOST RIDE... THE WHIP" on repeat.

14.) How did THE MIDDLE get to syndication? How did the pitch "MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE except the mom's the main character" survive?

15.) You know someone has pitched the Goonies sequel as a crime story called THE GOONDOCK SAINTS.

16.) Someone really needs to write a parody of "Shoofly, Don't Bother Me" about Phyllis Schlafly.

17.) Guinevere just had knight fever, knight fever, and didn't know how to show it.

18.) Legally speaking, DEA agents are required to yell "POLO!" when you yell "NARCO!"

19.) The institutional opposition to drug legalization isn't moral it's logistical. Black-ops money laundering'd be a street hassle without it.

20.) If at least three conspiracies are fighting amongst themselves, they're too busy to oppress us. Let us call them Church, Business and State.

21.) The new trend in medicine will be blood-transfusions from The Blue Man Group. #AgentsofSHIELD