oct 3 in idea barrages

When you get your joke so turned around on itself that it no longer works, that’s called “jesticular torsion”.

America is suburban white idiots protecting their McMansions with automatic weapons for no discernible reason and half of the country’s only criticism being “poor trigger discipline”.

I just realized that in the song “Levon” Jesus wants to go to VENUS and until today, I misheard it as Cleveland for some reason. I was like… what’s he wanna go to Cleveland for?

I have to keep notes to remind me of my ATM code but I can to this day tell you that the little rallying cry of the gang in Short Circuit 2 was “Los Lobos kick your ass, Los Lobos kick your face, Los Lobos kick your balls to OUT-ER SPAAAAACE!”

I mean, I certainly COULD write a parody of “You’re So Vain” about Dwayne Wayne from A DIFFERENT WORLD. I could. About three humans on Earth would possibly appreciate it but the idea exists.

“The universe is teaching me hard lessons” seems like victim-blaming to me. “The universe is being randomly cruel but I am adapting just to spite it” sounds a lot healthier.

A television show where we throw 16 billionaires into a cage where they must fight to the death and the survivor gets to keep one million dollars, the rest of the money put back into the public schools called BATTLE OF THE NET-WORTH STARS.

At this point, Trump’s plausible deniability is about as thin as it is for the nitrous-oxide cartridges sold in head shops as “for food service only”. Riiiiiiiiiight, head shop, you are also a restaurant-supply shop also for some reason.