sept 27 in idea barrages

A Faygo-flavoured breakfast cereal called “Juggle-Os”.

Everyone was all like, horror and classic novels, all “Emily Bronte Battles A Mummy” or whatever but no one went the drug direction with it. No one wrote “Sense and Sensimillia” and once again, the lack of creativity on this planet disgusts me.

I like to think that at some point in the past, TLC showed a documentary about the horrors of freakshows, just for maximum irony of the fact that’s all is shows now.

When you call it Gravymaster you’re just all “oh sure, you make gravy with it” but when you call it Gravymistress it sounds like the only dominatrix in Green Bay, Wisconsin.

If Sonny the Coo-Coo Bird was into soup instead of cereal, his catchphrase could’ve been “I SUFFER FROM A LENTIL ILLNESS!”

If you think about it, NOW THE JINGLE HOP HAS BEGUN sounds kind of ominous. Like the declaration of a dark ritual’s inevitability. YOU CANNOT ESCAPE THE JINGLE HOP, IT ALREADY IS.

A parody of Bon Jovi’s “Bad Medicine” about being a Scooby-Doo villain? “OH NO, WE GOT KIDS MEDDLING, KIDS MEDDLING, JUST WHAT I NEED, NO NO NO”.

It’s harder to make something “so bad its good” on purpose than it is to just make something unironically good. The problem is that pushing out something lazy with the built-in excuse of insta-kitsch is infinitely easier than either.