july 11 in idea barrages

Your new signature bagel will be the Asiago Osbourne.

A serial killer who makes his living as a short order cook called The Griddler.

If David Blaine ever injured himself during one of his stunts, I grand you the headline BLAINE DAMAGED.

Your indie-pop goth band will be called Tame Impaler.

A teevee movie about a social media lawsuit called CONFLICT OF PINTEREST.

A sitcom about Lee Harvey Oswald’s teen years in Toronto called DEGRASSI KNOLL.

A parody of the Donald Fagen song MAXINE about how you should take your damn vaccines.

No, facebook, I dont remember all my elementary teachers’ names because I know this weird little trick called Repressing Bad Memories.