july 3 in idea barrages

Remember, the “Boston Tea Party” wasn’t about taxation without representation, that tax had long been repealed. It was local smugglers (“businessmen”) of Dutch teas protesting that legal British tea was cheap now and undercutting their criminal enterprise. America!

The world doesn’t WANT a stand-up bit about Rocky and Bullwinkle awkwardly attempting phone sex but maybe the world NEEDS it anyway.

The world doesn’t WANT a stand-up bit about a really really sultry cashier at a co-op but maybe the world NEEDS it anyway.

Sammy Hagar combines a chef’s salad and a caesar salad together into a Sammy Hagar’s Hammy Cigar and reinvents himself as a celebrity chef.

If you’re kickstarting the medical costs of child-birth, the stretch goals are gonna be wild.

A battle of the bands but it’s only emo bands and it’s called March Sadness.

At some point, Dave Coulier must have gotten sick of the questions about Alanis Morissette and reflexively snapped “CUT! IT! OUT!” and in that flash of a moment, realized the ridiculousness of being alive.

For all the Halloween tie-ins that crap foods provide, I ain’t never seen a bag festooned in tales of the Haunted West and filled with Cruel Ranch Doritos, which is just a shame.